I know; you were just thinking the same thing.
Anyway, I was thinking, “They [the candidates] remind me of muffets
Disclaimer about the candidates: I love them all. I say, “Everyone for President!” I respect them all. Now, go on ... read, and be prepared to be stunned by the irony of it all.
First and most obvious of all, Hillary would be Miss Piggy. Why? Each is a strong, accomplished woman. Each knows how to shed a single poignant tear at precisely the right moment to prove that she has a soft side. However, each can devastate any male with a well-placed karate chop or a shrill, “HI-YA!” Like Hillary, Miss Piggy is not “some little woman standing by her man.” She is, in fact, a stout little woman standing by her frog. And she can wear a pantsuit as well as any other little woman standing over by her man.
Mitt Romney would be Guy Smiley, if you went by appearance alone. But figuring in personality, I’d have to say he’d be Bert. Mitt is serious and rich. Seriously rich. Bert also is smart, well-connected (President of the National Association of W Lovers Club) serious (always straightening out Ernie) and rich. Rich? Yes, let’s not forget he owned a ton of collector-quality paper clips, a valuable commodity on “The Street.” Both of you have Great eyebrows!
John McCain. He scares me. He looks angry all the time. If you watch him carefully, you can see his clenched jaw actually relax for a millisecond before it’s clenched again. He seems like someone has knocked on his trash can lid and run away one too many times. Therefore, I think he would be Oscar.
Mike Huckabee. This is so easy. Mike Huckabee is totally Ernie. Like Ernie, Mike is jovial, rolls with the punches, is verbose, and always seems to have a laugh stifled just beneath the surface. He gets under Bert’s (Mitt’s) skin, (or felt) a lot.
Ron Paul? I think Beaker. He’s kind of a back-up muppet/candidate. Wikipedia says Beaker “has been shrunk, cloned, deflated, turned invisible, and blown up, but he always comes back for more.” [Same with Ron.] “Beaker normally communicates through a series of high-pitched ‘mee-mee-mee’ noises. (In books and merchandise, it's often spelled as ‘Meep’.)” [Same with Ron.] When I hear Ron Paul, I think, “Meep Meep.” What is the significance of his meeping, you ask? According to the Wall Street Journal, “A high-pitched voice … suggests nervousness, excitability, sometimes even wackiness. Think Ross Perot or Howard Dean, whose scream after his third-place finish in the 2004 Iowa caucuses may have sunk his campaign.” (November 3, 2007.)
Finally, Barack Obama would be Kermit. Kermit is the sophisticated muppet, isn’t he. He’s logical, articulate, keeps his cool, smooth-i-o. Kermit and Barack, the Kings of understated Charisma.
So who knows how this will all pan out. We could have Ernie and Bert as running mates. Or it could be Kermit and Miss Piggy. Anything can happen. After all, this is America. Wocka-Wocka.
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